Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
