i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
