let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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