funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
