made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
