Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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