batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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