i love accidental penises.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
