I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
