we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize