i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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