oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
