What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
