Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
