i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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