If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
