You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
