I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize