youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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