I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
