Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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