just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
