so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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