your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
