i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
