I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Randomize
