My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
