evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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