I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His hands were made for my vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
