I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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