Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
