Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
