and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How's work?
Spinning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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