high people should be assigned attendants
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
