you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
third nipple confirmed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
