i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
