"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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