Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
