i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
