dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
