saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
