btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
