im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize