Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize