if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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