i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
