I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
