he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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