apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
