My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
