You just made me feel so damn special
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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