I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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