i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
