Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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