The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
