i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
