i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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