Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
