Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
