According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
