Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
