By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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