bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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