I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
